Memories of my mother on her 100th birthday

One hundred years ago today, on October 14, 1925, a baby girl named Phyllis Joanne Sauter was born in the small town of Wellsville, NY. That little girl grew up to become my and my sister Lisa’s mother. Her father worked for the B&O railroad, which meant that they lived in towns all over the Southern Tier of New York and that she started and finished school in the same district but attended several others in between. That’s how we ended up moving to Hornell from Buffalo when I was five - because that was one of the places they lived.

Thinking back on her almost 80-year lifespan (she passed in September of 2005), I’m amazed at all the world events she lived through - the Great Depression, WWII, the Civil Rights Era, Vietnam, the moon landing, and 9/11, to hit some of the highlights and lowlights. She raised us mostly on her own, cared for her mother until my grandmother’s death, despite a relationship that was fraught, to put it mildly - largely because it benefited me and Lisa, was proud of building a credit record in the late 60s and 70s when it was often difficult for married and/or separated women, and maintained her decency and humanity throughout. I’m sure that she had many disappointments in her life, but it never made her bitter.

I remember that there were two things that were always plentiful in our house when we grew up - books and pets. Many of the photos I still have from her younger days (a lot of our family photos were lost in the Hornell flood of 1972) show her with dogs and cats, and not only did our trips to the Olean and Elmira malls always include a stop at the bookstore, but visits to the library (only about a 10-minute walk away) were also a regular occurrence. We mostly had homemade dinners despite her holding down a full-time job once we started school, and her Mexican wedding cakes (at Christmastime) and whipped cream frosting (on chocolate cake, also made from scratch, which I demanded every birthday) were to die for. She put up with all my medical travails (four surgeries, not including a tonsillectomy, before the age of 13) with amazing grace and patience and when I was at Strong Memorial Hospital, 60 miles from Hornell, for my spinal fusion when I was 12, she came up just about every day of the month I was there - usually after working a full shift.

As a person of her time, her attitudes on some things weren’t always as progressive as they might have been, but her mind was never closed and she changed her views on many subjects over the years. She was fairly upset by my conversion to Judaism, more because she took it as a personal rejection than on any theological grounds, but I told her I was following her values in the best possible way by thinking for myself and choosing my own path. I believe she came to see it that way and also saw it as a positive thing, even coming to my adult bat mitzvah in 1997. She didn’t talk a lot about religion or God and didn’t attend church even while she sent us to Sunday school at the Presbyterian church on Main Street in Hornell, but she was a Christian in the best sense, quietly and unobtrusively.

Although she never officially left the Republican Party in which she was raised, she was definitely more of the Eisenhower variety, despite her liking for Reagan (more based on his image and nostalgia than anything else, I think). She was already pretty appalled with them by the time of her death, and I’m sure she would have left by now. (I don’t think she had voted for one, at least for President, since Bush Sr.) Unlike today’s crop, I don’t think there was a single group or person she ever hated. She was one of the least racist people I’ve ever known, and while she always insisted that she wasn’t a feminist, for all intents and purposes she was. She was also pro-choice (having seen the consequences of pre-Roe America up close with people she cared about) and pro-union.

She is responsible for the things I think are the best about myself, and I hope that she would be proud of me and Lisa if she could see us today. Neither of us ever made a lot of money, but we know what the important things are, and she was the one who taught us that.

A Bride for One Night: Talmud Tales by Ruth Calderon ****

A Bride for One Night: Talmud Tales by Ruth Calderon
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Sadly, although it is one of the foundations of modern Judaism, many non-Orthodox Jews only have the vaguest notion of the contents of the Talmud. Not only are there rabbinic arguments over fine points of law that tend to freewheel into surprising tangents, but there are also many wonderful stories, seventeen of which have been collected by Israeli scholar Ruth Calderon in A Bride for One Night.

Since as with many biblical narratives, Talmudic discourse can be notoriously terse (only one of these stories is longer than a page), Calderon, after providing the original text, gives her own expanded version of the story, often from the point of view of a minor or marginalized character. She then includes a section called “Reflections,” which delves into the deeper meaning and context of the story. Along the way, not only do we (unsurprisingly) meet many rabbis, but also their wives and children, Roman matrons, the Angel of Death, and several humble Jews, including one teacher who, due to his care for his students, outranks one of the greatest rabbis of his generation in the eyes of God. Calderon is also not shy of tackling some of the stories that are most problematic for modern readers, such as those that seem to denigrate women, and is able to suggest fresh ways of looking at them. A Bride for One Night, while short, provides an excellent combination of classic commentary and modern interpretation, without doing violence to the original stories, that will hopefully inspire readers to explore more of this intriguing genre of Jewish literature.

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A version of this review was originally published in Chai Notes, the monthly newsletter of Congregation Shir Shalom in Amherst, NY.

Edward II: His Sexuality and Relationships by Kathryn Warner *****

Edward II: His Sexuality and Relationships by Kathryn Warner
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Edward II is one of the few kings of England who it can be plausibly argued had attractions to and/or relationships with people of the same sex. However, there is controversy as to how far these went as well as how they affected his relationship with his queen, Isabella of France, who eventually deposed him in favor of their young son, Edward III. In Edward II: His Sexuality and Relationships, Kathryn Warner takes a detailed look at these questions and disposes effectively of some of the common - and often completely uncorroborated - narratives that “everyone knows.”

Most crucially, Warner makes two main points: 1) We know literally nothing directly about people’s actual behavior, or usually even their feelings about one another. 2) Our modern categories of gay, straight, bi, etc. would have had no meaning for medieval people.

She also examines two types of writers, historians/biographers and novelists, and how they look at the issues at hand. The first seem to take a very black and white view of things, either completely denying that Edward had any same-sex attractions - presumably his relationships with his favorites were based on emotional dependency, or that he had absolutely no interest in women. Reasonably, she asks why he could not have been attracted in different ways to both, especially given that he had at least one illegitimate son and Isabella became pregnant several times, when if she was actually repulsive to him, one or two should have been enough. Often, it seems as if the second type of biographers she looks at thought they were novelists, regurgitating well-known stories such as that Edward gave Isabella’s “bridal gifts” to his favorite of the time, Piers Gaveston, that there was antipathy between Isabella and Gaveston, and that the marriage was bad from the start, for which there seems to be little or no evidence. The actual novelists, although they have more leeway, fare little better in her estimation, and sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference between them and some of the more wild assumptions of the so-called non-fiction writers.

Also, while there is at least some hesitation about Edward’s actual behavior, almost everyone, whether biographer or novelist, jumps to the immediate conclusion that Isabella and Roger Mortimer, her partner in deposing Edward and ruling England afterward until Edward III took the reins, had a mad, passionate love affair, again, with no evidence or contemporary corroboration. Of course, their relationship easily could have been more pragmatic, especially since Edward’s last favorite, Hugh Despenser the Younger, did apparently cause Isabella's marriage to go downhill and even made her fear for her safety, which seems to have provided enough motivation.

The thing that really surprised me in this very well-written and -argued book is how much even the most modern writers seem to be influenced by stereotypes of both women and LGBT people that we supposedly jettisoned decades ago. Despite his reputation at the time as a fit and physically strong man and his apparently respectful relationship with Isabella in the first part of their marriage, Edward (along with his favorites) tends to be portrayed - especially in fiction - using the worst possible stereotypes, as physically weedy, weak, and spiteful, as well as utterly repulsed by women. Even the fact that he did not consummate his marriage - with his 12-year-old bride - immediately is used as evidence that he “neglected” her, when in most people we would see that as a positive. No one needs to claim that he was a good king to admit that he, like all of us, was a complicated human being with good and bad points. Isabella, on the other hand, is shown by the novelists as either the vengeful, power-hungry “she-wolf,” (a phrase that was evidently never used to describe her in her lifetime) conniving to destroy her husband or, alternatively, totally under the spell of her lust for a stereotypically masculine and virile Mortimer.

Edward II: His Sexuality and Relationships provides a much-needed corrective to the very slanted view that many books - both fiction and non-fiction - give us of all of these characters, but particularly Edward and Isabella.

I received a copy of Edward II: His Sexuality and Relationships from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

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A Murderous Tryst by Lynn Messina ***1/2

A Murderous Tryst by Lynn Messina
My rating: 3.5 of 5 stars

Beatrice Hyde-Clare, Duchess of Kesgrave, who has recently discovered that she is pregnant and is already upset by the fact that her husband had lied to her about his activities the day before, then comes upon him in the embrace of his former mistress. As it turns out, however, Penelope Taylor has come to see her, for a friend of hers, Millicent Lloyd, has just been murdered and Mrs. Taylor, who was found standing over her holding the knife, is the only suspect. She, however, claims that she had just found the body and that she was the intended victim, and that Millicent, who resembles her and was sleeping in her bed, having arrived at her home intoxicated and distraught, was mistaken for her. Once she understands the situation, Beatrice agrees to take the case, which mostly includes visits to the various men - quite a few of them - who have cause to hate Mrs. Taylor, from previous lovers to the uncle of a young man who is presently making a fool of himself over her. It concludes with an audacious and dangerous scheme to bait the killer into revealing themselves.

Although A Murderous Tryst is the twelfth book in this series I have never read any of the others, but that did not hinder me from getting up to speed about how things stood and I would definitely consider giving the earlier ones a try. Considering that, however, I found it a bit surprising that Beatrice had so little experience with the (extremely effective) maneuver she used to disable the killer. The relationships between the various characters, including the past experiences that have made them what they are, were well portrayed, with the original misunderstanding being resolved after some maneuvering, and Mrs. Taylor was quite refreshing in her unabashed and brazen self-interest. A new family member, of whom the Duke was previously unaware but who will undoubtedly play a role in future cases, is also briefly introduced.

I received a copy of A Murderous Tryst from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

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Matilda II: The Forgotten Queen by Joanna Arman ****

Matilda II: The Forgotten Queen by Joanna Arman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

For the purposes of her place in history, Matilda, queen of Henry I of England, had the misfortune of being surrounded by larger-than-life figures: her mother, St. Margaret of Scotland; her husband; and her daughter, the redoubtable Empress Matilda (also known as Maud), who fought King Stephen for the throne, to name but a few. In addition, her mother-in-law, William the Conqueror’s wife; her daughter; and her niece, who was Stephen’s queen, all shared her name. Consequently, it is not surprising that she is often overlooked, portrayed as a relatively colorless figure, or even confused with another of the plethora of Matildas. In Matilda II: The Forgotten Queen, Joanna Arman aims, with considerable success, to remedy this situation.

She was christened Edith and was the daughter of Malcolm Canmore (who succeeded Macbeth as King of Scotland) and his English wife Margaret, who died when her daughter was young; it is not clear whether the name Matilda was part of her birth name or was added later as a tribute to her husband’s mother. Through Margaret, young Edith was descended from the Saxon kings of England, which made her a valuable bride for Henry, who seized the crown on the death of William Rufus, taking advantage of his older brother’s absence from the country. Since she was at the time residing in the abbey of Wilton in the care of her aunt Christina, who appears to have wanted her to become a nun, controversy over the legality of their marriage would dog her and Henry throughout what appears, despite her husband’s frequent infidelities, to have been a happy and loving, if not passionate match.

Although Matilda tends to be portrayed in stereotyped terms as a rather boring medieval queen with her chief quality being her piety, Arman argues persuasively that she was a strong-minded, intelligent, and competent woman who not only refused to bow to pressure to take the veil, but in fact actively participated in her abandonment of the convent and elevation as Henry’s queen. Later on, she presided over a court that was favorably compared with later medieval universities in its learning, kept up correspondences with several prominent churchmen, and served as Henry’s regent when he was on the Continent, as he was often required to be to defend his Norman possessions. Arman makes it clear, however, that Matilda was no plaster saint; she also faced criticism for extravagance, although admittedly some of that seems to have been in the service of her cultural interests, and she seems to have had a well-developed sense of her own rank and importance.

She also gave birth to the coveted male heir, William Adelin, who perished in the White Ship disaster in 1120, setting the stage for the later civil war between her daughter Empress Maud (Henry’s chosen heir) and Maud’s cousin Stephen. By then, however, Matilda was also dead, having passed away at the relatively young age of 38 from an unknown illness. She was sincerely mourned, and in the descendants of her daughter, her bloodline - and that of the ancient kings of Wessex - continues on the English throne.

I received a copy of Matilda II: The Forgotten Queen from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

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Book Review: Anne Boleyn and Elizabeth I by Tracy Borman ****

Anne Boleyn & Elizabeth I by Tracy Borman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I doubt that anyone could read of the execution of Anne Boleyn, the second wife of Henry VIII, without feeling sympathy for her two-and-a-half-year-old daughter, demoted in one fell swoop, as she herself noticed even at that young age, from Princess Elizabeth, heir to the English throne, to Lady Elizabeth, the king’s bastard daughter by a disgraced mother.

Often, books about Elizabeth gloss over the effect of this double loss on her, noting that she rarely spoke about her mother even after she ascended to the throne, briefly mentioning a ring she owned with portraits of herself and another woman who may have been Anne, or speculating that her mother’s fate might have contributed to her own antipathy toward marriage. In Anne Boleyn & Elizabeth I, however, Tracy Borman digs more deeply into the relationship between the two (brief as it was in life) and Elizabeth’s later life to show that a strong influence did exist and that there is enough evidence to show that Elizabeth did indeed honor and revere her mother’s memory

While many hated and despised Anne Boleyn, few seem to have disputed her pride in her daughter, despite the disappointment (to her father, at least) of her gender, or her active involvement in Elizabeth’s early upbringing within the constraints of her position. (Queens did not nurse their own children, and royal offspring were given their own households early on.) Even as she faced death, one of her main concerns was for her daughter.

As Elizabeth grew up she no doubt heard little good about Anne from most people, but Borman believes that there is evidence that an alternative, positive view was also provided to her, most notably by her relatives on her mother’s side, including her beloved governess, Kat Ashley. When she became queen, she notably kept these relatives close to her and actively promoted many of them, as Borman documents, as well as pointing to the presence of her mother’s emblems (notably the falcon) in her palaces and portraits. Also, while she never, unlike her sister Mary, reinstated Anne’s marriage to her father by an act of Parliament, it appears to have been well known that praise of Anne’s virtues was a way to gain her favor. The psychological influences are also examined in some detail, from the effect on her refusal to marry (no doubt exacerbated by the execution of her father’s fifth wife, and Anne Boleyn’s first cousin, Katherine Howard, when Elizabeth was only 8, as well as the unhappy marriages of her sister Mary and their last stepmother, Katherine Parr) to her use of her charm on men as queen.

On the whole, even with my considerable (though not extensive) knowledge of the period, I found Anne Boleyn and Elizabeth I to be an informative and eye-opening look at the relationship between these two fascinating women.

I received a copy of Anne Boleyn & Elizabeth I from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

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Book Review: My Friend Anne Frank: The Inspiring and Heartbreaking True Story of Best Friends Torn Apart and Reunited Against All Odds by Hannah Pick-Goslar *****

My Friend Anne Frank: The Inspiring and Heartbreaking True Story of Best Friends Torn Apart and Reunited Against All Odds by Hannah Pick-Goslar
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

On November 27, 1943, Anne Frank wrote of a waking nightmare featuring her friend Hannah (called Lies in the diary) in desperate straits. At the time, Hannah was at the transit camp of Westerbork, believing that the Frank family was safe in Switzerland. They would come into contact one more time at Belsen, shortly before Anne’s death of typhus only two weeks before the liberation of the camp. In My Friend Anne Frank, written with the assistance of Tel Aviv journalist Dina Kraft and completed after her death at 93, Hannah Pick-Goslar tells of their friendship and of her and her own family’s experiences during the war and afterward.

Originally thrown together as a result of their parents’ common background as German Jewish refugees in Amsterdam, Anne and Hannah quickly became firm friends despite the difference in their temperaments (Anne was outgoing, while Hannah was more shy and introverted) and the levels of their families’ religious observance. Together they lived through the German invasion of the Netherlands and the ever-tightening restrictions on Jews until the disappearance of the Franks into hiding, after which Hannah narrates her own experiences, including her final encounter with Anne, her reunion with other survivors including Otto Frank, and her subsequent immigration to Israel, where she became a children’s nurse and lived until her death in 2022.

Despite the title, My Friend Anne Frank, while it complements and adds context to Anne’s diary, is the story of a woman who was every bit as extraordinary in her own way, not least in her tireless efforts to keep the memory of the Holocaust, as well as that of her friend, alive.

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A version of this review was originally published in Chai Notes, the monthly newsletter of Congregation Shir Shalom in Amherst, NY.

Book Review: The Spite House by Johnny Compton **** (rounded up from 3.5)

The Spite House by Johnny Compton
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Eric Ross and his two daughters are on the road, living on the run for a mysterious reason that is not revealed until later, when he is offered a job that, if he can pull it off, will pay enough for them to abandon their peripatetic lifestyle and live a normal life. All that Eunice, the elderly woman who is the owner of the Masson House in Degener, Texas wants is documentation of supernatural activity. This is the intriguing premise of The Spite House. A “spite house,” for those who have never heard the term, is built solely to give grief or annoyance to someone else, whether by blocking the view, being an eyesore, or as a reminder of something the other person would prefer to forget. Its origins date back to the Civil War, when a terrible crime was committed that Eunice, the owner, feels spawned a curse on her and her family.

Eric, of course, knows nothing of the backstory, nor does he know that the previous investigators left as physical and emotional wrecks, but he accepts the job and moves in. There is a slow buildup of occurrences, but eventually, everything comes to a head in a shattering climax. While the book was what I believe is called a “slow burn,” the ending was sufficiently original, in my opinion, for me to round up my 3.5-star rating to 4. One of the only things that I wish had been, if not explained, at least explored more fully, is the unusual ability that the builder of the house and members of Eric’s family, including his younger daughter, shared, that probably contributed to his (relative) success in his task.

I also felt that the characters, including Eric and his daughters, Dessa and Stacey, as well as his employer and her staff members, were well-rounded and easy to identify with.

I received a copy of The Spite House from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

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Book Review: Who by Fire: Leonard Cohen in the Sinai by Matti Friedman *****

Who by Fire: Leonard Cohen in the Sinai by Matti Friedman
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

When Israel was attacked by a coalition of Arab states on Yom Kippur of 1973, singer-songwriter Leonard Cohen was living in Greece, his personal and professional life at a point of stalemate as he approached the age of 40. Seemingly somewhat to his own surprise, he found himself on a flight to Tel Aviv with the vague idea of volunteering at a kibbutz. What he ended up doing was traveling around the front with other musicians, mostly Israeli, playing for and meeting with the troops. The trip was unpublicized and little specific has been known about it before now, although those who experienced it never forgot it. It also helped revivify Cohen’s creativity and inspired the song “Lover Lover Lover.”

In Who by Fire: Leonard Cohen in the Sinai, journalist Matti Friedman attempts to reconstruct this time through interviews with those who were there as well as a brief unfinished manuscript by Cohen. We vividly relive the events of the war as young men and women, often only in their teens and twenties, grapple with the trauma of invasion and the loss of their comrades, as well as their reaction to those who came to offer a brief respite from those things. Intertwining with reflections on the Yom Kippur service itself, Friedman presents a powerful portrayal of a crucial time in the life of an artist and of a nation.

(Content warning: As is to be expected in a portrayal of war, this book contains some scenes of graphic violence.)


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A version of this review was originally published in Chai Notes, the monthly newsletter of Congregation Shir Shalom in Amherst, NY.

Book Review: The Fourth Enemy (Daniel Pitt #6) by Anne Perry ****

The Fourth Enemy by Anne Perry
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

At the beginning of his sixth adventure, young lawyer Daniel Pitt’s life has changed in some dramatic ways. Firstly, he and strong-willed forensic scientist Miriam fford Croft, after finally acknowledging their compatibility and strong mutual attraction, have just begun what looks like it will be a very happy marriage, and secondly, Marcus fford Croft, Miriam’s father and Daniel’s boss, has retired from the law firm he founded, hiring the well-reputed but unconventional Gideon Hunter as his replacement.

Almost immediately upon taking over, however, Hunter takes on what could be a make-or-break case for the firm: the prosecution of controversial but also powerful and widely admired newspaper mogul Malcolm Vayne. If Vayne is acquitted, not only will it hurt the firm’s reputation, but he is a man who never forgets a slight and will exercise his considerable influence to do it even more harm. Also, the more they learn about his financial dealings, the clearer it becomes that he is acquiring political power and influence, both at home and abroad, that could endanger the security of the nation. The case eventually escalates to include murder and the placing of Miriam in imminent peril of death before concluding in a dramatic courtroom scene and verdict.

The first half of the book went a bit slowly for my taste, but things quickly picked up once the trial began, and as always, Perry’s characters and the relationships between them are vivid and unforgettable. I particularly liked Gideon Hunter’s wife Rose, who finds a common cause with Miriam in her advocacy of women’s suffrage, and Nadine Parnell, a doughty elderly woman who has done accounting for Vayne for years and is willing to testify against him despite an attempt on her life.

Sadly, Anne Perry passed away right after the publication of The Fourth Enemy, so unless she has left outlines behind and her heirs hire someone to continue the series, this will be the last we hear from Daniel Pitt. I have been reading her books since shortly after the beginning of her first series featuring Charlotte and Thomas Pitt, and will sorely miss her. RIP, Ms. Perry.

I received a copy of The Fourth Enemy from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

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