What will become of poor Tom Delay?

I've been worrying about Tom DeLay. I'm afraid he's going to find life after Congress unfulfilling. I suppose he could become a consultant, but that would probably be boring after being in the hurly-burly of things, twisting arms and cracking the whip on the floor, and I don't imagine that his former colleagues would welcome him back as a lobbyist, at least not for a year or two. However, I think I have a solution.

As you can see from the excerpt below (click here for link, though it's actually to a page that quotes the original article, or just google "tom delay vietnam"), poor Tom was never able to serve his country. Even though he wanted to go to Vietnam, those mean ole minorities got in first and cheated him out of his chance (although it looked from my search results like Big Bad Tom might also have claimed that his wife wouldn't let him go).

Read an excerpt from a 1999 article that recounts the novel excuse that DeLay offered as to why he and Dan Quayle didn't serve in Vietnam:

Which Bug Gets the Gas? Will the next house DeLay fumigates be that big White one or his own? By Tim Fleck....

He and Quayle, DeLay explained to the assembled media in New Orleans, were victims of an unusual phenomenon back in the days of the undeclared Southeast Asian war. So many minority youths had volunteered for the well-paying military positions to escape poverty and the ghetto that there was literally no room for patriotic folks like himself. Satisfied with the pronouncement, which dumbfounded more than a few of his listeners who had lived the sixties, DeLay marched off to the convention...

Hey, Tom, they're calling up guys today who must be at least your age, and you look pretty fit and healthy in your mug shot. The way they've been lowering standards lately, indictment or even conviction shouldn't be an obstacle, as long as you can weasel your way out a long sentence. This is your chance to see combat and serve the party - uh, country - that you love so much. Go to exciting places (like Iraq), meet interesting people, and kill them. And unlike most of the Democrats in Congress, the Iraqis actually fight back. Be all that you can be!